


I Need You to Breathe

by MarshmallowYatt



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Christmas Movies, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Panic Attacks, they just care about each other so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 08:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2500655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarshmallowYatt/pseuds/MarshmallowYatt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma has to calm Killian down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've had this idea for ages but I'm only writing a fanfic about it now. I just love how these two care about each other. I'm really sorry if I've gotten anything wrong in relation to panic attacks - everyone experiences them differently, I'm writing based on my own example. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I STILL don't own OUAT or any Christmas movies.

Killian Jones has never liked snow. Ever since he was a young lad, he and Liam would play outside all summer, but when winter came, they hid in their home for most of the day. His Swan's close encounter with freezing to death did not warm him up (pun intended) to cold weather in the slightest. Suffice to say, while he thought Elsa was pleasant enough, he wasn't a fan of the results of her magic. 

However, today's snowstorm had nothing to do with Elsa. Apparently, winters in Maine were really harsh and icy roads weren't uncommon. This was how he ended up in Emma's parents' apartment participating in an activity they called "Christmas movies marathon". He has previously watched some "movies" with Emma but he never cared to remember their titles. They all had several things in common though - there was a lot of snow, it was usually a safety hazard, and it was generally seen as something unpleasant. 

David and Mary Margaret have gone to bed an hour ago. A movie that involved all the things above was playing on the screen, and his arm was around Emma's shoulders. For some reason, Killian's heart skipped a beat every time a snow-related disaster occurred. 

Suddenly, he paled and started to shake. He closed his eyes, feeling a wave of nausea overcome him and pulled his knees up to his chest. 

"Killian? What's wrong?" - Emma asked anxiously. 

He didn't reply. Her voice sounded like it was coming from afar rather than from a spot next to his on the couch. He looked at her, but his vision was blurry.

"Killian!" - Emma gasped and hastily turned off the movie. It didn't help, however. Her companion was shaking and there were beads of sweat on his neck. He felt as if his heart was going to jump out of his chest, with the way it was beating. 

In his head, the images of Emma nearly frozen to death seemed to be playing before his eyes. He was almost paralysed by the fear of what was happening to him. He could barely see Emma on her knees on the floor. 

"Killian, don't be afraid! I'm here, you can get through this. Can you hear me?"

He could barely make out her words so he nodded weakly. 

"Good, you're doing great!" - She took his hands in hers. "I need you to breathe, okay? Can you do that?"

He could only whimper. 

"Breathe, Killian" - Emma was struggling to keep her voice calm, but she knew that freaking out would only make things worse. "Listen to me. Breathe on my count, okay? In and out. In and out."

He obeyed. 

"That's good. That's really good, Killian. Listen to my count, okay? Breathe in for two and out for two. One.. two. One.. two". 

He still had no idea what was happening, but Emma's voice was something he could hold onto. 

"You're doing great!" - she encouraged him. "Can you try breathing in and out for four?" 

He did. Eventually, his breathing has slowed down and he could make out Emma's silhouette on the floor. She was still holding his hands. 

"I'm sorry, lass" - he whispered. She shook her head. 

"Don't be. You did nothing wrong. These things happen, Killian." - She climbed back onto the couch and pulled him close. He laid his head on her lap, closing his eyes. 

"What was that?" - he whispered. - "It was bloody scary." 

"These things are called panic attacks" - she explained, stroking his hair. - "They happen sometimes, for a reason or just because. It's no-one's fault, okay, Killian?" He nodded, stifling a sob. Emma reached for a blanket and threw it over him. 

"Just keep breathing in and out, okay?" - she squeezed his hand. - "I'm here to help". 

Eventually, they both have fallen asleep, holding onto each other tightly. Which was how Henry found them the next morning. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So… this appears to be one of those “I didn’t mean for this to be longer than a one-shot but this happened” things.
> 
> By the way – while I am truly, truly grateful for all the reviews, I should say that I am far from a medical professional and my way of dealing with panic attacks might be completely wrong for somebody else. So please be careful!
> 
> Disclaimer: I still don’t own OUAT.

 

"Mum! Killian! Wake up!" Henry shouted. 

"Huh? What?" - Emma all but jumped off the couch.   
"What's wrong, lad?" - Killian asked sleepily. 

"Just look outside! We have to go have a snowball fight!" - He was grinning from ear to ear. Emma frowned anxiously. 

"Kid, I don't think that's a good idea" - she said, sneaking a glance at Killian, neither of them having forgotten last night's panic attack induced by a mere image of snow. He caught her looking at him and smiled, not wanting to disappoint the lad. 

"Sure, Henry. I am not familiar with the concept, but I'm sure you can show me" - Killian said with a smile, trying to hide the anxiety igniting in his stomach. Henry nodded vigorously. 

"Mum come on! Pleeease?" - he gave her his best puppy dog eyes. Emma sighed.

"Can you give us a minute? We'll be right down" - she promised. Henry nodded and ran out of the apartment. 

"Killian, you don't have to..." - Emma began. "I can just tell him you're not feeling well and we can hang out here?" He shook his head. 

"I'll be alright, love" - he replied, hoping to sound convincing. The truth was, however, that he had no desire to relive last night's terrifying experience. Nevertheless, he was fond of Henry and did not want to let him down. 

"Are you sure?" - Emma asked anxiously. He nodded. 

"Put some extra clothes on, Swan. It looks like it's bloody freezing out" - he supplied. She nodded and threw an old beanie of David's at him. 

"Same goes for you, buddy. I don't care how you're used to cold nights at sea, you aren't getting hypothermia on my watch" - she said with a tone of finality. He nodded, grimacing at his reflection in the mirror. 

"I look like that buffoon Smee" - he muttered, following Emma out. 

 

At first, he was genuinely enjoying himself. Henry insisted that Killian be on his team, with David and Emma on the opposing one. They decided to take their snowball fight into the woods near the Toll Bridge in order to not damage any property and face Gold's wrath. This provided both teams with several tactical advantages - they could hide behind thick trees or, in Henry's case, even climb them. Killian soon realised, however, that the latter was a very, very bad idea. 

"Henry, no!" - he heard Emma scream and a second later, he was hit by what he thought was a small avalanche but was actually all the show from a thick sycamore. He stumbled and fell onto the white ground, feeling the cold seep through his clothes. 

"No.. not again"... he thought to himself, feeling dizzy and nauseous, not unlike last night. He could barely make out Henry's apologies and Emma shouting something to David. Something about there being no time... 

He curled into a ball, wrapping his arms around his knees. His heart felt like it was about to jump out of his chest. It felt as if he had to use his arms to hold himself together. Something in his head was telling him that he needed to make himself as small as possible in order not to fall apart. A very small part of him was dimly aware of a person sitting next to him, but the ringing in his ears did nothing to help him make out their words. They were placing something on his shoulders. 

"N-no, please..." - he tried to pull away, not wanting whatever it was to suffocate him. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. He felt the hat come off but it did very little to slow down his heart. He was shaking and he didn't know why. All he knew was that he was close to dying and that he was about to break his promise to Emma. 

"I'm sorry" - he whispered, hoping that she could hear him. He felt her hands on his.   
"Killian, love, it's okay!" - the ringing in his ears made her voice sound like it was coming from one of those old radio things Henry showed him once. But he couldn't let it go. 

"Emma?" - he whispered, desperate for something to hold on to. Her words barely reached him but somehow, he knew she was there, with him. 

"I'm here, Killian! You don't have to be afraid!" - she kept repeating, or maybe it was his brain making him think that she was still talking. 

"Darling, I need you to breathe. Can you do that? For me? Please, Killian, breathe in and out!" - her voice was barely getting through to him. His Swan's words meant everything at that moment. It was the only thing that made sense. So he did as she said. He breathed in and out. His chest heaved rapidly with heavy panting. After a minute or two, he was able to feel her arms wrapped loosely around him. 

"Swan?" - he whispered hoarsely. 

"I'm here, Killian. I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you. Just keep breathing, in and out. Can you breathe in and out? For me?" - she kept repeating while stroking his back. Her ministrations reminded him of his own, of the time when he had to take care of her after she almost froze to death. The thought made him shudder again. 

"Killian, listen to me. Listen to my voice, okay?" - she almost sobbed. - "I am safe, and so are you. It's not real! You are not dying, you're gonna be okay!" 

Whatever was happening to him caused him to pass out in her arms the next moment. His last thought was about how he failed his Swan and didn't survive... 

 

"We need more blankets!" 

"He'd better wake up now!"  
"Killian, please, please wake up..."

The voices were coming from nearby, he could tell that much. Something heavy was pressing down on him. He shot up, gasping for air. 

"Killian!" - he saw Emma's panicked face. "Thank God." She whispered and held him tight. He winced.   
"Careful love" - he whispered and she pulled back slightly. 

"Sorry" - she stifled a sob. 

"I am the one who's sorry" - he replied. - "I promised you I would survive and I almost died today! I don't know what it is that keeps happening to me, but I know that I'm not gonna last much longer if it goes on, love." - He looked down and made a move to get up, but Emma placed her hand on his shoulders. 

"Killian, it wasn't real! You had another panic attack! Sometimes they can make people believe that they are about to die, but it's never the case!" - she explained, with tears in her eyes. - "You have nothing to apologise for, I promise you!" 

He frowned. 

"I do. I still scared you. All of you" - he nodded at David, Mary Margaret and Henry who were watching from the entrance. - "Is there... is there a way to stop these panic attacks?" - he asked, his voice trembling. Emma nodded. 

"There are medicines that prevent them or make them easier, yes" - she replied, squeezing his hand lightly. - "But for now, you just need some quiet time, and to stay away from wintery things!" - she added. 

"Well, you don't have to convince me" - he shuddered. Emma smiled sadly. Henry approached the couch, his eyes downcast. 

"I'm really sorry, Killian" - he murmured. - "I didn't mean..." Killian shook his head. 

"Don't worry about it, lad. You didn't do anything wrong". Henry blinked and nodded, disappearing into the kitchen. 

"Could you guys..." - Emma looked up at her parents. 

"Of course. Feel better, Killian" - Mary Margaret replied and followed David outside. Henry returned a few moments later, carrying a tray with three mugs of hot chocolate. Killian smiled slightly. 

"Swell idea, lad. Come here, both of you" - he patted the spaces next to him. The two curled up against him and Emma threw a blanket around all three of them. 

 

Things weren't alright – not by a long shot – but Killian Jones felt immensely grateful for the two people next to him. 

 

**Thanks for reading, please review! :)**


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